


Fragments

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Orfus [1]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Broken Promises, Established Relationship, Friendship/Love, Guilt, Love, M/M, Memories, Memory Loss, Memory Magic, Promises, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 23:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16753519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: “I-I don’t know. Sometimes it is just fragments, bits of battles that I don’t remember,” he whispered after a moment, his gaze fixated on the table in front of him, but it had been obvious that he wasn’t seeing that, but whatever fragments of memory he was talking about. “Faces…and names. Sometimes it’s nearly a complete picture, but as soon as I try to grasp it, it disintegrates in my fingers.”They had survived the war, scarred and injured but alive and for a fleeting time, Orga thought that they were okay, that they were safe. He was wrong?





	Fragments

 

    Sabertooth was quieter than usual, not the strained peace that had existed when Jiemma was their Master, but an awkward silence as though everyone was holding their breath and waiting for something to happen. Only it already had, and Orga’s expression twisted, torn between frustration and something softer and akin to grief as he glanced across the guild at the reason for the strange quiet. Rufus was sat in the booth that had become his over the last couple of months, and Orga couldn’t entirely quell the jealousy that flared as he watched Yukino joining the Memory Mage and slipping into the seat beside him, leaning in close to murmur something to Rufus. There was no way for him to hear what she was saying, but the God-slayer didn’t need to hear the words, because he knew that it was the same thing they all had to say when they went near Rufus these days, the gentle reminder of who they were and a reassurance that everything was okay.

_But it isn’t…_

   Orga tore his gaze away from the pair as Rufus relaxed slightly at her words, his tankard groaning in protest as his grip tightened, lightning crackling around his fingers for a moment. He was the single exception to that rule because it didn’t seem to matter what he said or did, or even what the others had tried to say in his defence, Rufus wouldn’t let him close, and it was slowly tearing him apart inside. _I miss him…_ Rufus was here, in the same room as him, and yet it felt as though he was a million miles away, and it was steadily getting worse by the day, and yet Orga still couldn’t grasp the fact that this had all happened in the space of a couple of months.

Two months…

     It had only been two months since Fiore had emerged victorious from the war with Alvarez. Two months since Sabertooth and many other guilds had followed Fairy Tail into hell and back, in order to stand up against Zeref and his forces, and Acnologia following in his wake. It had been a journey that had pushed them all to the limit and beyond and left behind wounds and losses that would take a long time to heal from.

    And it had been two months since Orga had trailed through the devastation, injured and exhausted, but refusing to stop as he searched for Rufus in the aftermath of that final battle. Part of him had been terrified that he was going to find his partner laid out amongst those they’d lost because it had been hours since he’d last seen the Memory mage. He could still remember the terror of those moments as he forced himself to pass down the line of people that had been lost in the battle, their faces reflecting the horrors they had all been forced to endure, but Rufus hadn’t been amongst them. That alone had eased some of the tight knots of dread in his stomach, and there had been a brief, joyous moment when he had finally found Rufus stumbling through the ruined town. Unable to believe that they had been spared, even though Rufus had been a mess when he’d reached him, bruised and bloody and covered in the filth of the battle, but he had been alive, and right then that had been all that had mattered.

     Wrapping his partner in a tight hug, he’d closed his eyes and buried his nose in blond hair, thanking the Gods for showing them mercy, and for those few precious moments, he had been convinced that it was over. That they were both okay, and that everything else could be repaired with time.

How wrong he’d been…

    It hadn’t been evident at first, especially as Rufus has collapsed shortly after Orga had found him, his injuries combined with magical exhaustion rendering him unconscious, and the rest of them hadn’t been that much better. The battle had taken everything they’d had and then some, and the next few days had been a dizzying whirlwind of activity – treating the wounded, mourning the dead and slowly coming to the realisation that everything was well and truly over. It had been a hard time, and even though Orga had remained plastered to Rufus’ side during that time, unable to forget how lucky he had been, he had been caught up in the chaos too. Or maybe he had just been willfully blind to the first hints that something was wrong, unable to face the idea of dealing with anything else at the moment, although the others had assured him that they had been just as blind to what was happening.

     It had only been a few days later when they had finally returned to Crocus, and to what remained of their own guildhall as the damage had been widespread, that they began to realise that something was wrong with Rufus. He had been quiet for the past few days, but then he had never been loud before, and with his injuries and exhaustion, and everything else that had happened, it was to be expected. Only it had been something more.

  _Something worse._

     At first, it had just been little signs that started to draw their attention. Rufus had been more jittery than usual even before they had returned home, but it seemed to become worse after they reached Sabertooth, and he would jump at loud noises and sudden movements. They all noticed it then because he had always been the calmest amongst them, despite his flair for dramatics at times. However, again they’d foolishly dismissed it, as recent events had left them all on edge, as did the thought of the repairs and recovery that lay ahead of them. Orga had mentioned it a couple of times, but Rufus would always brush it off or ignore him outright, and he had been reluctant to rock the boat, still coasting on the relief that they had both survived. That had been his second mistake.

   However, despite Rufus’ terse reassurances and their own hopes that it would pass, his condition had continued to get worse and worse. Getting to the point where he would react with fear to the slightest noise or movement within his vicinity, and then he started to pull away from them, even Orga, hiding himself away in the corner of the Guildhall and burying himself in his books. He refused to take jobs, even though they knew he had to need Jewels for rent amongst other things, and then he stopped using his magic, even going so far as to snap at people if they asked him to help with anything. It was such a far cry from the mage who had always taken pride and pleasure in his magic, training with it every day, not just to grow stronger but for the simple joy of using it, that there was no way for them to hide from the fact that there was something seriously wrong at this point.

    It seemed to Orga and the others that he had become a shadow – a living shadow, and nothing they did seemed capable of drawing him back to them or breaking through the shell that he was building around himself. The changes scared them all, because for a guild that had once been nothing more than an empty shell – or so they’d tried to tell themselves – their bonds ran deep, and they felt this change just as keenly as Orga who felt as though his entire world was slipping through his fingers. As though he was back on that day, searching through the row of the dead, expecting to find Rufus amongst them.

    The entire guild had fought to try and bring Rufus back to himself, even as they tried to get the guild itself back on its feet. Taking the time just to sit with him in silence so that he knew that he wasn’t alone or talking about what he was reading on the rare occasions when they could coax the words out of him, or just making sure that he ate something. Orga was grateful to them for their efforts, even as he hated the fact that they were needed – that his own efforts to reach Rufus weren’t enough to draw the younger man back to them.

*

    It had been almost a month since the final battle, that they had finally learnt what was happening, learning that his memories were fragmenting and that they had been since that fateful day. It had been an innocent question from Minerva that had led to that discovery. She had been sat with Rufus one afternoon, trying to draw him into a conversation and failing, when she had caught him rubbing at one of the scars that he had gained from that battle, and she’d immediately reached out to stop him from scratching it.

_“Does it still hurt?”_

_“No…” Rufus’ voice was barely audible, the hoarseness evidence of the days spent in silence, and yet the entire guild had fallen silent at the first sign that he was going to actually speak, and so his words carried clearly across the Guildhall. “I just…I don’t know where it came from.” The words tiptoed out, almost as though he was afraid to say them aloud._

_“You don’t remember what caused them?” Minerva demanded, her voice a little sharper than intended as her shock and worry got the better of her, sharing an alarmed glance with Orga who had moved closer as soon as Rufus’ words had registered. Not that he was ever far away these days, even if Rufus never seemed to welcome his company at the moment. Rufus shook his head, and for the first time, they got a clear look at the lost expression on his face and the sheen of tears that had appeared as he glanced down at the scar he had been rubbing. “Rufus, what do you remember?” She rephrased the question, her tone softer than they had ever heard it, but despite the gentleness Rufus flinched and huddled in on himself, pulling away from her, and for a moment they had thought that he wasn’t going to answer, his fingers straying back to scratch at the scar._

_“I-I don’t know. Sometimes it is just fragments, bits of battles that I don’t remember,” he whispered after a moment, his gaze fixated on the table in front of him, but it had been obvious that he wasn’t seeing that, but whatever fragments of memory he was talking about. “Faces…and names. Sometimes it’s nearly a complete picture, but as soon as I try to grasp it, it disintegrates in my fingers.” Green eyes flickered towards Orga for a moment, and the God-slayer paled as for the first time he realised that there was something more than fear and uncertainty in those expressive eyes. There was a lack of recognition as their eyes met, and his heart had broken a little as he realised that he was one of those lost fragments, that their relationship built over so many years had been reduced to one of those fragments._

It had taken days of gentle questioning following that revelation before they had coaxed Rufus into admitting that even those fragments that he did have came and went. And more than once someone had sat down beside him, only to be greeted by a wary, almost frightened expression and a complete and utter lack of recognition that had stunned them all. That had been the point when Yukino had introduced the rule of reminding him of who they were and where he was whenever someone new sat with him. It had been intended as a temporary measure, something to help keep him calm, while the rest of the guild frantically searched for something that would help him. It hurt to see the man who had been renowned for his memory losing that part of himself, but it hurt even more to see their guildmate, their friend… their partner, fragmenting, and it drove them to new heights, every single one of them determined not to let the war take anything else from either Rufus or them.

****

    Orga had helped with the research, even though prior to this he’d always acted as though he was allergic books, not even Rufus managing to entice him into the library. It was different now though because he was losing everything. Yet, he spent just as much time watching over Rufus, needing to be close to him, even though every day spent watching him slip further and further away from him was pure torture. Yet, he wouldn’t spare himself that pain, even when the others promised to watch over Rufus for him so that he could have a break from it all. Not because he didn’t trust them, or that he was hoping for a miracle – although he was, but because of the fear that Rufus displayed whenever he got too close, and how he had been the one that had been so completely and utterly lost to the fragments. He had no idea what he had done or hadn’t done to cause it, but he saw being forced to watch over Rufus from afar as he slipped away and being treated as little more than a stranger as some kind of punishment.

   It didn’t stop it from hurting to see the others interacting with Rufus, even if it was a weak imitation of what they’d had before, and over time he had found himself coming to reset it. Watching as even when they were greeted with wariness or even outright fear, they were always given a cautious welcome once they had reassured Rufus.

_Rufus, why are you pushing me away?_

    His hands clenched against the table now as he watched Rufus offer Yukino a tentative smile, even going so far as to nudge the book he had been reading towards the Celestial Mage, some of the trepidation leaving his expression as he launched into one of his rare conversations, and suddenly it became too much.

It was all too much.

   Orga was only distantly aware of the fact that he had just slammed both fists down on the table top, silencing the guild, and frightening Rufus who had shrank back from Yukino, pressing himself further into the booth even as he sought out the source of the sudden noise. Orga was blind to all, caught up in the thoughts of what he had already lost, and what he was still losing a day at a time, and as a choked sob welled up, he turned and bolted from the Guildhall. Everyone knew what he was going through, and his closest friends were enduring it with him, but that didn’t mean that he wanted them to watch as he fell apart completely and so he ran. Unaware of the way that frightened, green eyes had tracked his movement, widening as they watched him disappear from the sight, or of the black lightning that had filled the air after the door had slammed shut behind him, and the quiet whisper that had followed.

“Orga…I remember.”

**

   Orga finally stumbled to a halt some ten minutes later, doubling over and breathing heavily as a harsh noise, somewhere between a sob and a laugh slipped out as he realised that his feet had guided him out to the clearing where he and Rufus used to train together. The same clearing where they had first acknowledged one another’s strength, then their friendship and eventually the feelings that had grown between them, nourished by those long hours of training, the travelling and jobs where they’d no one but each other at their back.

  _Rufus._

    He was trembling now, breath hitching not from the running but from the sobs that were fighting to get free and he managed one unsteady step forward before his knees collapsed beneath him. He made no effort to rise, unable to see the point anymore, instead grabbing fistfuls of the grass, trying to ground himself as he fought tooth and nail against the tears, he could feel threatening to fall, his magic crackling around him as his emotions took him closer and closer to the edge. _This was why I should have never let him in or let him get this close. I should never have changed._ It wasn’t the first time he’d thought that, or tried to convince himself of it, but as before it wouldn’t take hold. He couldn’t even lie to himself, not when his mind was filled with all the memories they had made together. The times they had fought each other and fought together. The quiet mornings spent curled together, the moments of tenderness and passion that went beyond what they showed the outside world.

The moments that were all he had left to cling to now.

    As soon as they had realised what was going on, Sting and the others had tried to reassure him that it wouldn’t last and that they would be able to find an answer, or a cure, and that no matter how bad things got, there would be a way to bring back his Rufus. Or that there would at least be some way to fix the way their relationship had gone, to earn Rufus’ trust once more, and desperately he had allowed himself to believe those words, clinging to them, needing to believe them so that he didn’t fall apart completely. But now… it wasn’t enough. Not after the days of seeing Rufus flinch away from him, of watching his partner lose more and more parts of himself.

_I can’t do it. I can’t keep watching him and being nothing more than a stranger in his eyes…_

    His breath caught and hitched as it dawned on him that he was admitting defeat, and he squeezed his eyes shut as tears slipped down his cheeks as he realised, he was teetering on the edge of letting Rufus slip through his fingers. That he was going to let their future, the dreams that they had shared disappear. He had promised to wait. He had promised that once the war was, over, they could take some time to focus on just being together now that Sabertooth had found itself again. All those promises they had made over the years, the plans, the hopes and dreams, and he was about to turn away from them. _But I just can’t do this anymore._

     There was a dull ache in his chest as he slowly released his death grip on the grass, letting himself fall back into a seated position as he reached up to scrub roughly at his damp cheeks. _I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry._ He would leave, maybe take one of the longer jobs until he could work out what the hell he was going to do now, and perhaps that was for the best. His presence clearly bothered Rufus, so maybe if he left, it would make things easier for the other man. _Rufus, I wish…_ He cut that thought off, knowing that it wasn’t going to help either of them, not now, and instead he focused on trying to convince his legs to work. Knowing that he needed to get up and move, that he needed to leave before he lost the willpower to go through with it all and the cycle continued.

    It took a few minutes, his body fighting him every inch of the way, but he slowly staggered to his feet, his heart heavier than he had ever felt it. He didn’t want to leave, to admit defeat, but he couldn’t keep fighting any longer. _I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,_ he had just straightened, the weight of his decision threatening to send him to knees once more, when the quiet of the clearing was broken by another voice. One that he knew as well as his own and one that he hadn’t heard directed him in what felt like a lifetime and his heart started to pound, as for the first time in months he heard Rufus say his name.

“Orga.”

 

 


End file.
